Anger and Upset

It is all my fault.. i brought this all upon myself.. why April? why are u so foolish? Why are things going all hay wire for me? I dun understand... maybe i do.. but i refused to admit. i refuse to give in.. i refuse to accept the truth.. I know there are many who cares, i truely appreciate it.. but this i have to solve myself.. i have to make the first step.. i know i can do it.. but at the moment.. i feel myself feeling weak and restless. Feeling all drained up and suffocated with many stress and problems. I want to put everything aside, concentrate on my drama and also my studies.. I want to let my head rest.. it has been giving me headaches.. the accumulated stress and problems have been piling and pushing me to my limits. I know this sound like very emotional and crap.. but thats how i am feeling now... emotional.. will anybody understand this feeling?
I know this can be even more harsh than what it is now, however i am so fragile to anymore harm.. i can no longer be that almighty April that can withstand all obstacles and problem.. if u see me all quiet unlike the April who go yanking and crazy.. dun worry, u just need to stay beside me.. no need to communicate.. silence now is all i need. I dun wish to share, so dun bother asking me... i dun wish to "NOT think about it".. cos i know i WILL. I dun even want to care about how u feel, so dun bother telling me your problems.. It sound ridiculous, but this maybe the best option for me. Sorry.. really sorry.