Can't believe it for myself to be blogging at this hour..but i'm really pissed. Basicallly, i find myself foolish thinking silly things, like he will still perhaps feel for me.. even a little?? Gosh, how stupid and naive i am!!! I felt so humiliated in a way. I knew his answer but somehow girls being girls.. i still harbour hopes. Since it''s been so long we last contact each other. GUess dearie was right all these while. I was so blind to see what a jerk he is. I'm so foolish to actually liked/loved someone like him. I guess it's the end of our friendship. Like the way he put it, say whatever you wan. So i have decided to ask u to fuck off my life and leave me alone. Stop your nonsense and grow up!!

It's been a tough start for the new year. First, the confession which end up in distanced r/s. Second, work stress increase. Now, this shit.Bad omen. Is this the start of a stronger faith in buddhism which has been lacking all this time I really need to move on. I cannot be like this forever. It's tme consuming and wasting my youth.

I think i need to think of what i really want to pursue. Work or further study. It's still hanging in mid air and i cannot decide yet. Maybe all i need is someone to guide me thru this tough time. I need a helping hand, a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Where is the soulmate whom i once had?

Lucky for me, i do have friends who care for me. I'm not whining that they are not good. But i need someone who can really be there for me no matter what. Maybe there 's nobody? Well, i have not spent my life wisely. It's time to do something about it. Be it more time with family, more exercise, less late nights and partying. Last but not least, I have to have a fresh clean start. All over again...