Okie, i have decide to change my blog add to else where.. So for those of u who are interested to read my blog u can ask from me... wef today i will not blog here anymore. Read more juicy stories at my new blog. Chaoz =)

What's up recently.
Good news, okay. I know i have been quite down recently.. but things are changing for the better. =)

Gotten my new keyboard. It's a casio keyboard. Black. Chic and classy. And now i got the padder to practice on. Damn cool okie. HAha.. I'm so happy cos everynight it's a daily routine that i played the piano b4 i go to bed. It's therapeutic la.. It's soothe my stressful life to calm myself to sleep. No need for sleeping pills. heh.

I'm much getting use to my new laptop which is a white macbook. And i tell u being MAC-ed is cool. I'm still learning. But the basic is there. I'm getting use to the system though there's still a lot which i need to figure out. But boy am i glad i have this lappy to accompany me.

I finally gotten a new hair do. NEw hair. new image. new beginning. Happy to make a change. Won't be posting any pic of myself yet. It's still on it's way to a better look. Going to color it to something nice... The comments i'm getting it's quite good. So i'm satisfied. Well, give more details with the pic next time.

Went to the NDP audition. Hopefully i will manage to get in.. Joining the NDP is something i wanna do for quite sometime. So i can't wait to hear good news. BTW, my mum got in.. hehe. Another mother n daughter event together.

Just went to a member's wake. Just realise that it's been so long i went to someone's wake. In fact, i'm so glad that people around me is still alive and kicking. I can't imagine if one of my family relatives were to be dead. I might not be able to take it. I was reading one of my friend's blog and her cousin is struggling and fighting to live from the menace cancer. She's only in primary sch and she has to suffer so much. My heart went out to her and i decide to start to chant for her. including her into my daily prayers. That she will be comfortable and get better.

Recently caught a great movie- The illusionist. I would recommend this show. It's the twist at the end that makes me give a good rating. COs i love happy ending. haha.. I would say 3.5 stars out of 5. Grab ur good pals to watch the movie together.

So good things do comes...Hopefully more to come.
Smile =)

Alrite. Some updates.

I had a terrific nite yesterday. I went to TF4 eventually. haha. Can't stand temptation of free parties. Well, the important thing was i had great companies. Jon and Dearie. We met up at 9pm to queue for the bloody event, thinking that we were already very early. But Singaporean being Singaporean is damn kaisu. There were already a beeline long queue that stretched from the main door all the way to the taxi quay at clarke quay. The most shitty thing was that people keep jumping queue. Well, lets put it that their friends were queuing and they join in, not just one or two, but a bunch of them. Like JOn describe- reproduction. From a small bunch of 3-4peeps, there were like a dozen of them suddenly swamped in and 'cut' our queue.Dammit. There was this fat guy who decided to smoke in the queue. Like, Hello, it's already warm and stuffy. Do u have to smoke especially infront of me- a non-smoker. He really ought to have lung cancer and die. Alrights, thats a little mean, beside after my loud criticism from behind his back, he went out for his cig break. So thank god.

Sometimes i really hate free parties. Why? BEcos we bloody have to queue. To queue for entry and even for baggage deposit. Can u imagine, it's FULL. Dammit. Well, instead of grumbling. Dearie came up with an ingenious idea. haha.. Guess what? She suggested to ask the auntie at the toilet to help us keep our bags. (FYI, the ladies at MOS has a full- time cleaner station in it) As usual, I'm being kenna for such 'mission', due to my bravery and capabilities. (LOL) So, u have probably expected, WE GOT OUR BAGS CLEAR FROM OUR BODY!! This was how the conversation was like. (After i finished pee-ing)

ME: Hello auntie. (Nudging her. Cos she's fallen asleep)

Auntie: (In her half conscious state) Erm, yes.

ME: IS it possible to keep my belongings here? Cos the baggage counter is full. And there's just a hussle to carry them around.

Auntie: Can. Can.. Come u take out all ur money and valuables. Put them into the box.

ME:( Excited) Thank you auntie.!!

The conversation was in mandarin BTW.

So there i was, feeling all proudish and mighty for completing the task! Ha.. (^=^)v Yeah~

So Jon, dearie and me had a carefree body to groove to the music all night long. It was fantastic! Believe me. The bag can be such a hindrance when the dancefloor is damn packed. I felt sorry for those who have to carry their bags along the whole time. At the same time, i felt great without ANY bag at all!!!! Whahaha...

I'm a little guilty to have to wake to auntie up from her sweet dreams, but she supposed to be working hor... Anyways, THANKS auntie.. I love u!!!! U're my bag-savior!

We had such a vodkalicious nite- Vodka cranberry, Vodka Redbull and Vodka orange. I think my liver is so filled with toxic from all the liquor we took. FYI, not glass hor.. It's JUG. Well, besides that we had 1 for 1 special for the ORange so it's a total of 4 jugs. Woah! I dunno how i managed to survive this morning for work but i did.

Less than 4 hours of sleep, a stomach filled with Vodka shit, a stinky hair and a dehydrated skin, I managed to crawl out of bed on time and even reached my workplace early. Ha.. I didnt feel at all a bit tired. I fact, i was really 'high' at work. haha.. cos the music kept spinning in my head. My colleagues thought i'm crazy, prancing around in the operating theatre, singing 'Smack that'. LOL.

Anyway, we are so not going to be so cheapskate next time. We are going to pay for the entry, so no more waiting and queuing. But, we still won't mind free parties, right guys?

I'm wondering how's things going for him. Hopefully he's coping fine with his FYP. Silly me, dun u think? Though i have been missing him quite a fair bit, but i did not contact him at all. He did not contact me too. I believe he might be lying to me all these while.. and i'm too naive to see it. Or perhaps, it's just that the feeling is no longer around? And i was too late?

After jon's incident, i feel nothing more for love. It's like an illusion, and i have been chasing blindly without knowing why. In fact, come to think of it now. MAybe everything was just a episode of some cheesy hongkong drama series. I was just an extra to fill in, to make things more exciting? I question myself why am i so unfortunate to meet these people and get heartbroken.

Peeps around me said i'm still young and i should enjoy singlehood. I do. But there are times when u really wished for someone special to be there for u. Someone whom u can lean on and watch the sky together. I baked cookies for him, he make dinner for me. Eating my fav ben's and jerry icecream together. Sigh. Am i a lunatic? Or a hopeless romantic freak? Even so, I think it's kinda sweet. Cos it means i've fallen hopelessly in love. I miss that feeling. I miss sms-ing someone 'miss u', 'love u' , 'thinking of u' or even that special good night msg.

My mobile has been very quite recently. No more morning sms, goodnight sms, missing u sms, whatever u are doing sms.

Monotone lifestyle. I'm not up for it. Retail therapy didn't help much. It just make a big hole in my savings.

Moody is what i'm feeling.
Sadness is part of my life.
Lonely is what accompany me now.

I was thinking.. should i stop blogging. Cos, perhaps only that handful or maybe none am reading my entries. Btw, my blog is not a public seeking attention blog.Just a normal person venting her feelings and thoughts. I'm neither rich and fashionable like some bloggers whom blog about their high chichi lifestyles nor am i someone who's witty and blog good interesting topic. All i am - a girl who ain't quite satisfied with her life and complains abt mumdane topic like how pathetic and stressfuk and how unloved she feels at times. That's me. So sometimes i wonder if my blog existence does matter.

Oh well, there goes my whinning again. At times,when all i got is my new macbook to accompany me thru the lonely nite, i do appreciate that at least there's a place for me to relate my grumble.

At this moment, in this quiet night. Outside my window i can hear a man screaming loudly at the top of his voice, crying out:' get out!!!' or something 'ahkasfkhfihs'.. haha.. And my mum being 'concern', is complaining about the disturb N perhaps the police will arrive shortly. Okie, it's like almost half an hour and he's still screaming crazily like a maniac.WOnder what'swrong with him. Or perhaps he lost his mind?? Or like me, lost his sense of direction in life??

I dragged myself to work everyday. Sometimes i just wonder why am i doing a job that i find no satisfaction. Of course, i met good and nice peeps during my work.. but at the same time, there are the nasty ones that drive u nuts. For all u know, nursing is not an easy job. The fact that i do OT every single day is wearing me out. I find that job satisfaction doesnt comes with just the monetary reward, but also the passion of ur work. I lack the latter. and so monetary reward is the only thing that spurr me to work.

I love acting. i love mass com. YEt, these are the things i can never accomplished. My mum is too practical to allow me to take up mass com for further study. She thinks it has no prospect. And so what?? It's my life and i think i deserve to try. I did nursing for her. Becos of her 'better prospect' philosophy. I studied for 3 yrs, work for almost 2 yrs. But, i never really truly enjoyed my work. I work for the sake of working. I really want to do something else. I really wanna live a life of no regrets. I treasure my parents opinion but i think i know what's best for me.

In the meanwhile, i will still have to work... till i reach my dreams.

Can't believe it for myself to be blogging at this hour..but i'm really pissed. Basicallly, i find myself foolish thinking silly things, like he will still perhaps feel for me.. even a little?? Gosh, how stupid and naive i am!!! I felt so humiliated in a way. I knew his answer but somehow girls being girls.. i still harbour hopes. Since it''s been so long we last contact each other. GUess dearie was right all these while. I was so blind to see what a jerk he is. I'm so foolish to actually liked/loved someone like him. I guess it's the end of our friendship. Like the way he put it, say whatever you wan. So i have decided to ask u to fuck off my life and leave me alone. Stop your nonsense and grow up!!

It's been a tough start for the new year. First, the confession which end up in distanced r/s. Second, work stress increase. Now, this shit.Bad omen. Is this the start of a stronger faith in buddhism which has been lacking all this time I really need to move on. I cannot be like this forever. It's tme consuming and wasting my youth.

I think i need to think of what i really want to pursue. Work or further study. It's still hanging in mid air and i cannot decide yet. Maybe all i need is someone to guide me thru this tough time. I need a helping hand, a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Where is the soulmate whom i once had?

Lucky for me, i do have friends who care for me. I'm not whining that they are not good. But i need someone who can really be there for me no matter what. Maybe there 's nobody? Well, i have not spent my life wisely. It's time to do something about it. Be it more time with family, more exercise, less late nights and partying. Last but not least, I have to have a fresh clean start. All over again...

BROWNIE BATTER! You scored 81% SWEET, 74% CHUNKY, and 74% UNIQUE!

brownie batter ice cream with a rich brownie batter swirl Mmmm....you are a very sweet mix indeed! You are warm, loving, and caring to all those around you, but you're not boring in the least! You have a wild streak and a creative, unique streak, too. You are a great friend, an interesting person, and you know how to have fun without ending up crouching over a toilet bowl. Nice!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on SWEET You scored higher than 99% on CHUNKY You scored higher than 99% on UNIQUE

Link: The Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavor Test written by weered1 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Okie, finally gotten my macbook. something to distract me.. cos im new to mac system. In fact trying hard to figure out how to load this and that. Even now blogging seems different too. haha.. i got a cheap deal with the help of my friend. Thanks.. I own u. Anyway, this is the best distraction i can for this tough time i'm experiencing now.

Btw, decide to take up reading at the same time. How studious. LOL. Well, bought 2 books. One is the Little Prince, the other is Kira Kira. I'm going to embark on a reading campaign for myself. To read widely.. Especially good books. I loved reading when i was young, thats how i have gotten myopic. If not, i prolly would have prefect eyesight. Guess since my power will not increase, i shall start reading again. It's also another good distraction from him. =)

Watched 2 great movies this weekend. 'Borat' and 'Blood Diamonds'. Borat is humorous and disgustingly good for laugh. i remember when Azamat and Borat were fighting with each other naked scene was the most memorable. It's so funny... Gina n I laughed so much that we almost cried. While Blood Diamonds came as a unexpected good film on how people would kill even their own race just for the diamonds which was illegally exported to big nations. Poor kids robbed from their innocence self and learnt to use guns, take drugs and even to kill their own people. Sad but it's true. Go catch the movies if u haven't.

Sick as usual. Flu with sore throat. Well done april.

The bloody retainer is causing me pain. My teeth have shifted a little so there goes all the gum bleeding and stuff. So well done again.

My boss decide to ask me to take my resigning colleagues workload. So i will be stessed everyday with learning all the skills he had by 1 month. Well done. lol.

I'll be a dead man soon.

What a start of the new year. It seems that this is a bad omen. Starting of the week and I am so busy with my work. It's driving me crazy with the hectic workload and i'm getting sick. Bodyache, hot flushes, headache and sore throat. My colleague on leave, Nursing officer on urgent leave. We are damn short-handed. How can i afford to take MC for the fact that there's 9 surgeries tomorrow?

Luckily, i managed to revive my computer. If not, i can't vent my frustration out. And perhaps it will be a teary night again. Thinking of him, thinking of stress at work and when will the blue sky recover from this dark gloomy sky.

Why am i so fucked up recently. Emotional and stuff. GUess what? I'm heartbroken. Ha. YOu might be wondering what the hell am i talkin about. Just said, I have been stupid enough to believe in the 'I will always be there' shit. How can u be always there?? Im in Central and U in the North. Concern? IS it just a mere concealer to cover up your indecisive nature? Well, only dum dum like me will innocently believe in that crap. Now i understand why im so bloody upset.

My head is bursting with overwhelming emotions. Things that happened last year and know we met and stuff.. How certain i was then that i wouldn't fall in love. YEt now, i'm hurted to the core of my heart. I will not let anyone in anymore. Why am i so silly to? Eventually, he managed to sneak in and make a mess to my world. Now, all he wants to is to be friends. Sorry but it's too painful to continue this friendship. There's too much uncertainties and insecurities.

I'm getting out. i need some distraction and space. Anyone to listen to my blab?