I AM VEXED AND I NEED A BREAK!!!

Someone please, please give me some TLC.Tender. Loving. Care. I am so burnout. With the new year coming, i dunno why but some how the excitement of it coming subsided. Now all i need is someone to accompany me and chilled out. Maybe sometime alone will be great too. What can i say.. someone just din care.

Finally one more day to the end of my attachment. have my diary signed and so i din really bothered much with the marks. Now, i am looking forward to meet G. Tml after duty, i will be heading to snow city for some fun.. THIS IS WHAT I NEED!! FUN. Then later we will watch " meet the forkers". Yeah!! i can't wait man.

Okie.. now let's head back to my cambodia trip adventure...since i have the time now .. hmm.. okie.. friday 26/11

Morning woke up at 6am.
COld and shivering.. temp drop in night/ early morning.
din sleep well yet again.
Junni and I were mumbling and shivering at night in our sleep.
Now, night time. Junni is sleeping. Guys sleeping with us.. due to the half done partition.
Girls sqeeze together like mad.
Afternoon, things were smooth in the orphanage.
Due to traffic jam, grace and the rest were all tied up and reached the orphange late around 5.30pm.
Painted the rest of the window and the walls.
Sharon had to be grounded at home.
get scolded by the mgt. jap lady claimed we dirtied the floor and immediately want us to clean up.
sze jie was the most hardworking. helped to clean up till 5.30pm from aftrnoon.
GZ still behaved so childishly. can't blamed him.. he is just a child. Haa.. this make me missed my Zz a lot. Want him here to protect me from this evil man.
Dogs barked like mad again at this late night- 1am
Had dinner, but tasted terrible. Pickers and ginger fish.
Luckily, my seaweed biscuit saved the day.. yummy!!
Missed my mummy's cooking.
HOmesickness overwhlemed me..
Discussion was very emotional and lecturer nearly fall out with the students.
Juin was aggressive. nonetheless, i guess she was just standing up for what she thinks. Farhana too..
However, i think the whole team is really too pampered. Seems that they can't adapt to changes afterall. Why can't they just look forward and keep an open mind. Haiz, what can fighting and shouting do??
GZ is really too much. He had over step on my tail and i will not tolerate it anymore.I am PISSED!

Haha.. finally coming to the last week of my attachment. Basically i dread coming to work at AH. I dunno why but resentment towards ward duty really puts me off. hAIZ, LETS JUST SAY.. I DUN like shift.. i guess no one really likes, right??

haven been blogging lately due to my work and lack of inspiration to blog.. Kinda having no motivation at all.. actually these past few weeks are quite happening. I get to do lotsa stuff.. buying gifts , shopping and even get to countdown for xmas. which was never done at all in my life.

Haizz, now i am half way blogging and chatting with friends. Part time counselling too.. I guess my life is always bz. No matter what i guess things will always be bz for me. well, i should stop bitching... BUT i can't! like what Elson always say.. i am a 38.

Well, Zz still haven recover from his fever. Poor thing.. really hope he will recover soon. wondering if he will read this blog. cos i really wan to let him know that it has been a very nice experience to be in this relationship. I wouldn't say that we are a model couple cos we fight and quarelled like mad. We been thru more downs than ups . but amazingly, I found myself really in love.. which i din really think i would. We had so much differences and being together is a great challenge.. not to say to stand each other's nonsense. He is NOT a good bf.. which he himself admit. I am sure he must have ever thought of trying to be good.. ( haha.. trying to put some nice words) , But i guess he never really put it into action. However, love is the reason why we are still an item. Thanks for the Xmas present... i really like it a lot. ( winkz.. i am sure U know what it is..)

Really hope to catch up with some old friends.. like grace, wanyu , jac and chee lay.. also not forgeting wenjie and michelle.. aNd many many more. woah.. seems that i will still be bz trying to arrange for gathering and stuff.. hopefully they can take up some initiative... ( as if~)

Really looking forward for the school term.. this really perks me up a little.. i din know studying is so fun till this moment. haha.. i would want to go back to study for as long as possible.. cant wait!!

Okie.. now i am damn pissed.. cos i blogged a long essay and i accidentally close it off... argh!! hate myself.. i guess i will not blogged for today.. seems to have too many pop ups .. F***. Keep jamming my com. ARGH!!!!

Well, basically my three days of posting is so relaxing. Due to down cases, we had nothing much to do.. in fact we had long breaks, lazying at the office and nothing else. ha.. what a posting. some more we can go off earlier. Woah!! hehehe... I find community home nursing quite fun. we get to visit the patient's house. We travelled from one place to another which i find it really fun even though it can be tiring. Some peeps are damn rich while the other are poor. I guess this is life. hmm..

Actually din get to talk to Zz this few days.. find it weird.. kinda miss him.. Hmm... dunno what is he up to. Lots to share with him.

Today, i nearly get to perm my hair.. butin the end, i give it a miss. well, i guess $$ is a problem plus i dun really know what i want.. EVEn at the last moment i called gina up for advise. Ha.. she persuaded me.. so i left TBP. Guess the jeanyip guy may be pissed.. haha... cos i promise to go back there... nah.. what the heck..
But i really wan to do my hair before school starts.

Yesterday went out with Junni.. got some stuff for myself and friends.. Xmas gifts..

Dunno why, these days i dun really feel well, nausea and dizzy when travelling.. sometimes headache...

Haha... i know i know.. why am i blogging again when i said i wanted to rest after my first entry right.. just can't helped myself but to blog another exciting entry about my Cambodia trip.. so let's go back to Thursday 25/11.

Well, exam result was released today. gotten my result from gina thru my friend's hp.. I was reallly happy with it.. Never had i expect to get such results.

Painting continued at the orphanage. This time round.. we coated the gate in blue.. the place really was brighten up immediately. We learn to mix the cement and fix the holes around .. sanding the walls and coating with white wash..

Admist my busy schedule, i really wanted to know the kids and learnt more about them. So, i played play don with them and get to know a few names. Actually i was surprised that they are friendly and creative.. ONe young chap made me a mobile phone.. so cute rite?? i was thrilled and we had fun "talking on the phone".

The health science student did some teaching on personal hygiene and nail clipping.

The tension is getting stronger.. Soon there will be an outbreak.

I fallen ill with high fever of 37.9 degree. I took panadol and drink lotsa water. BEt it was the heatstroke.. cos i din really drink much. Feeling weak and giddy

GZ started to behave rudely and started an arguement with my grp of peeps. Damn was the situation getting worst with finger pointing and vaguarities shouted acrossed the room. I can sense many peeps thinks that we are so outcast from them and eyes are targeting on us. I am so F*** up, feeling really terrible.. i just left the room, not only was the shouting intolerable.. my giddiness make it worst. I sat on the stairs outside the room to rest.. really din feel like going back to the room.

Farhana found me sitting on the stairs after some time and we chatted. It was a good chat. She also feel that it was rediculous. Things are settled in the end.. but i believed things are just beginning to evolve to a bigger mess.

I written some thank you cards to some girls to thank them for their hard work this few days. Sharon's still in a bad position.. Had to go for checkup tml to see whether she is ok to be discharge.

Due to some stupid renovation work, we had to shift our comfort zone to half. So the girls rearrange the room to squeeze everyone in. we had fun.. i am glad some girls do open up and talked to me. I know they also din want things to be like this. Dun worry girls.. lets try to work things out...

PS: Next entry for my trip will be coming soon... watch out for more exciting news.. haha... cranky~

Well... coming to my HNC posting.. dunno what to expect..especially it is at TTSH. i guess things are different and i will be blur blur.. haha.. actually i am tired but somehow my fingers are itching for the keybroad.. but i promised i will sleep after this entry.. hehe (^__^)

Woah!! another 6 more day to Xmas. I am glad that this Xmas , i will be celebrating with my friends.. It is seldom i will be out with friends. So i believe this Xmas is goanna be great. However, my family will be away this time round for a wedding dinner in malaysia. Nonetheless, i will find things to occupy myself. HEHE...

YEar 2005 is coming... time for new year resolution... now i shall keep it a secret.. will announce soon!! At the meantime, girl just wanna have fun.. meeting up with jo and gina.. maybe even junni and company. Can't wait man!! so excited!~

Wondering will there be Xmas gift this year??? (hint hint to all... haha LOLx)

Today... is someone's special day.. but i guess he will be happy without me bothering him.. so i guess i can only blog it down.. really hope he has the best birthday ever...

Well, time flies... after the cambodia trip.. things seems to happen so fast. Not only was my OT attachment coming to an end ( by tml) , in just 7 months time.. i will be graduating. i am so lost.. to say the truth i am really not prepared at all to work as a nurse. Neither have that thought of being a nurse cross my mind. All i ever thought of is studying.. now i understand why peeps keep tellin me that studying is the best... Come to think of it.. i really like to study.. i feel fortunate to have that opportunity to study. I guess the cambodia trip really make me appreciate what i have and taken granted for.

Have been asking myself what i want to achieve in this life time. What is my aspiration and dream? I guess it is really a tough decision to make. have been feeling pressured by my mum about my future. Somehow or rather i really feel like venturing out to do something different. Something that i can contribute to the society...

Some what i kinda missed my friends from secondary school. It seems like ages .. no news.. no smses... nothing at all. Wondering how have they been.. Are they happy? I hope this coming Xmas, i could have a gathering with my buddies and also my darling.

Have snipped of my hair to shoulder length. Now thinking of what kind of style to present myself this coming new year.. rebonding?? Perming?? Dyeing?? hmm.... Tml going for movie... yeah!! time for a break after lazing at home for a long time...

HAs been blogging about my trip in cambodia.. kinda sian le.. now let me update u all on my latest news. It has been 3days in the OT- operating theatre.. It was totally cool. Very very cold.. wore two clothing but still shivering inside. Today i get to scrub again. It was a simple case but the scrub nurse was an advance dip student. Many staff and student din like her due to her attitude and arrogrance. anyway, she tsught me and explain things to me when doubled scrub with me.. even though i din even get a chance to hold any instrument. Well, it was still a good experience to get to practise handrub.. kinda forgotten already. Today was simply boring. there were so few cases that after 12noon, there was nothing else to do but.. ROT!! Argh! i hate it when there is nothing to do.

Hmmm, somehow.. i find myself changing.. dunno whether is it because of new commitment., or just simply growing up. I no longer had those fantasy about getting gifts, hearing sweet nothings etc. Maybe perspective have change.. wondering is it a gd sign....

Let's continue from tuesday-23nov..

Flood
Guess what?? It was my first time experiencing flood at home. Gosh!! It was only the second day and things already got out of hand. The water just flowed through from the water tank that was overflow. Everything was soaked.. sleeping bag, clothes etc. We packed up some stuff and put them into the male's room.

It was fun cleaning up.. The indian girls use dustpan and swept the water which was kinda idiot... itjust wet the place even more.. and when i confront them , they were so unhappy.. Miss Chua actually helped us to clear the water.. even though she was busy the whole day. We use some plastic bag and tried to swept the water into the bag.. it was amusing... and tiring.. We collected the water into the buckets while some use the cloth to soaked up the water.. it took us around the whole afternoon to clear up the place.. and dry it.

Was suppose to head back to COP, but due to the incident. we ended up staying at home.. drying our stuff.. haha.. cool huh?? i guess u will never experienced this in spore..


Wed- 24/11

In the night the dogs barked and howled as if they were wolf.. it makes it difficult to fall asleep. In the morning, I was woken by loud music that was playing near our house.. it was only 430am.. gosh!! The music was the Cambodia traditional wedding ceremony.. haha.. actually get to see many getting married .. guess it must be auspicious day.

We started working on the library.. we cleared up the old library.. do some spring cleaning.. mopping, sweeping.. dusting.. u name it, we did it. We had lotsa fun with the painting of the window grails. decided it will be in yellow.. It was not that easy, the paint din cover well.. many kids wanna play and joined in the fun.. but somehow it just din worked out.. we chased the kids away, so that work can be done smoothly .. rather than doing double job.

Lunch was packed rice.. Chicken drumlet.. Damn! I had a hard time chewing on it.. it was like rubber band.. Terrible!

The health science student gave the kids health education on toothbrushing.. english lesson was lotsa fun.. the games really entertained the kids..

Sharon fall ill and send to hospital. sheer also dizzy due to over stress?

All to stay at home till afternoon. Grace was appointed the new leader while i assisted her. ought cloths to make curtain. Brought back beads from the COP to make necklaces for the kids. Bitching started... Junni and i decided to wear our boxer.. Feeling really tired but din sleep well again..

The pics for my makeover are finally out.. check them out.... :)

Pretty!

Natural

^Charming^

*CooL*

"Sweet"

Nice~

[elegance]

beautiful?

Now let me update u what happened during the trip in Cambodia.. (damn.. the aircon in the OT setting is so cold.. my fingers are still frozen.. Blurrr..) let's go back to...


Monday 22Nov

Early morning- 5am..Zz gave me morning call.. He was preparing to go to his attachment at IMH, while i set off to the airport. Today is the day! The day i have been waiting for the first time travelling without my parents and freedom.. whahaha... I was really excited that i was chosen for this expedition.. Last night i slept at 2am doing the envelopes and last minute packing..

Arriving at the airport at pitch dark... the wind was cool.. i was cold.. The boys came to help to carry the boxes of books and toys. Sharon arrived late.. so the whole team waited for her and checked in together.. At the moment when i was about to step in.. i nearly cried.. but i stopped my tears.. cause i know i will be back.. so what's the point of crying.. Zz counldn't send me but he promised to pick me up after the trip.. So.. byebye Spore.. Welcome Cambodia..

We flied on MI602 SilkAir, stewardess services were not professional ewnough.. attitude problem. we had breakfast earlier with Miss Chua at BK, so when the food came.. i wasn't really keen on eating. The egg was too salty and slimmy. Yucks! I was so unfortunate to sit with a spoilt tray .. so the whole time. i was holding on to my tray.. Sheer and Farhana take turns to help me hold the tray while i eat.. hahah... kinda comical. Like i was the queen or something. Got to know Sheer better.. she's really nice...

Upon reaching cambodia.. we were stuck in a major jam just to pay the Visa and queueing for immigration.We almost took 2 hours there! Boy, we had one lost baggage belonging to Princess and one missing carton of books.

Pastor Chay came and pick us to our new "home". It was a huge house.. 4 storey high with one hidden 5th floor.. however.. we can't access to that floor.. haiz

We wanted to stay at the 2nd storey but the rest wanted to stay at 4th floor..in the end, miss chua decided to live at the 4th.. hmm... there were 3 bathroom.. cool huh?? but to share with 20 over people was hell..

We had lunch at a local restuarant.. with the local uni student.. had a mini exchange with them... Our new friends are friendly and warm.i feel so ease talking to them.. they are quite shy and conservative people. the girls' name - sok pal, sok peer, sok ling and "k".. haha.. direct english translation..

We went down to the youth centre to look at their place.. it was really crowded with so many studnet living in a 2 storey building. Heard they are from different province coming Phnom Penh to study ..Around 100 student lived there. The place was clusted and squeezy.. Dark an dangerous esp the fence around the house was broken glass.

Dinner was terrible.. we waited so long.. almost 45mins.. just for a piece of fry egg.. gosh.. i think i can do much better than that.. when we finished our egg.. i almost finished my rice as i was so tired and hungry.. we paid quite a lot for the dished that was so horribly cook.. i think i can do better dishes.
Day ended with discussion .. PEEP and planning for next day.. tired but just couldn't sleep... some peeps were snoring happily.. buet they are really tired.. Got to learn a few cambodia language... Okon-thank you.. Bunkon- toilet. tina- where.. Tlay- expensive.. cool huh??

Hmm.. tired already after recalling so much.. let me continue tml..

Finally i am back to blogging again.. yes!! Well, just one day back from Cambodia.. just seems not too use to the environment due to the different temperature and people around... But boy am i glad to be back.. in the comfort zone of my homeland Spore. Well.. lots to tell and bitch.. but now just to update u a little bit...

Hmm.. touched down yesterday at 3.30pm at changi airport.. on flight MI622 Silk Air. I was so excited.. i called Zz immediately. Haah.. he was on his way to the arrival hall.. but he as usual was too shy to stand nearby. after saying byebye to my friends, i went up to him immediately ... i smiled the best smile i had after 18days of "suffering". many things happened during the trip to cambodia.. but fortunately.. many tolerated and the project was a success. Neither did i expect that i could land myself to be in the "outcast" list.. Anywaes, i was so happy to see zz... i miss him so much.. even as now that i am typing this i still miss him so much.. This trip have make me realise the importance to cherish my loved ones.

I was so so touched that he actually prepared a gift for me.. i never, NEVER expect that to happen.. i was already overjoyed to see him.. so that doubled the joy. When i saw Juin's bf with a bouquet of flowers standing there waiting for her.. i envy her.. but when i knew ZZ had a gift for me.. i was so damn happy!!! My heart fluttered and betcha never see me so happy to receive gift. The gift is a perlini's silver bracelet. It is beautiful.. however, it is a little too long for me.. but who cares.. it's a gift from him. yeah yeah!! haha...

I believed that he missed me as much as i do... He just doesn't verbalise out... cool as usual.. but i can feel it thru the way he hug me.. I felt so comfortable and so reassured. Finally, no one step on me again.. no more feeling frustrated..no more anger.. no more sadness. I was so secured... so protected... When it was time to go home, Parting was unbearable for me... cos i really want to hug him forever and ever.. hehehe... nonetheless, there is plenty of time ... the rest of my life... :)