Oh.. the 2nd Singapore fireworks is here again to celebrate our nation birthday...

Date : Saturday, 6th August 2005
Time : 7:45PM
Venue : Marina Bay
Theme : Portuguese-Themed

Date : Monday, 8th August 2005
Time : 11:59PM (Countdown to National Day)
Venue : Marina Bay
Theme : Singapore-Themed
Add : There will be a music performance by SCO

Date : Sunday, 14th August 2005
Time : 8:30PM
Venue : Marina Bay
Theme : French-Themed


I wanna go!!!
Who wanna go with me?

Let me know okies? ; )

I love myself?

I do.

Do you?

Let me know what u think.

Just came back. feeling really sleepy and tired.

Graduation in the morning, celebration next. It was just me and Gina cos the rest had things to do n bfs to accompany. Well, me and Gin went to watch movie. It was okie. Thought it will be really touching and romantic but the crybaby here din get to use much tissue.. just a few sniff here and there. the tissue prepared wasn't even soaked.

Crying out love in the center of the world- rated: 2.5**

Most of my guys friend din make it for today's graduation. Was disappointed. The only one was Rahideer and he set off real soon after the ceremony. Din even manage to pass him the gift i made. (doing gift till 2am this morning.tired.sleepy) Mum and dad came for graduation. I bet they were very proud of me even though it was only a diploma. I was proud to know my classmate is awarded the gold medal and many were with merit diploma! (I should have been one of them. But but.. haizz.. nvm la. Long story, perhaps u all already know?)

PS: Thanks adel and sern da for the prezzy.. so sweet of u. =)

Thinking of him (when i shouldn't have )

Photos will be uploaded soon..

Kinda excited for tml's graduation.It's been a long time since i step in NYP. What can I say? I miss school. I mean, after u start work, it just seems that you have no life? Everyday is work, home, work home. Damn. My life Sux. So now you know why i am so happy ya?? I can have a day off for my graduation. Yeah man.. And i will be seeing all my poly mates again for such a long while. Will be chilling with them after the whole graduation thingy.. Hopefully la. Photo taking is a must!!

Last saturday was wild. After work.. I went down to TBSC for the SD meeting. I perform with Adel and other peeps for the Jap tap dance. It was hilarious. We were laughin so much. Well, without much delay, I set down to watch the Ndp rehearsal with my mum at the padan. Never watch 'live' ndp parade before.. So it was kinda interesting. It was pouring and we were drained up but was protected by the plastic poncho. Ha.. seeing my mum in poncho is so cute. We joined in e Padan waves and sang the Singapore anthem. It's been centuries since i last sang the anthem. I felt so patriotic singing the anthem wearing red giodarno tee.. I love Singapore!!

Met up with Jen after the Ndp.. It was short, expected to be longer. The fireworks were great. Beautiful. Brings back memories of last year when Moi, Gin and Jo with the guys went to marina to watch the fireworks show.. Ah.. such sweet memories. Ok, back to topic. Met with Jen, went to Holland V to Makan. We wanted to settle in essential brew but it was way too crowded so we handed to Spizza for Italian Pizza. We order Nadia (or is it Nazia?) Anywaes, we grobbled down the folded pizza ( It's ham with Mozarella cheese, yummy) and went over to wala wala. Damn. It was crowded. So Bo pian, went to Harry's instead. I order Cosmo or Metro? and Jen oder jug of whatever'loaded' or was it fullhouse?.. STM. We bitched and crapped like nobody business. Jen's mum and aunt came but they went over to drink coffee instead. I admit I was a little drunk after the first Jug. Then came the second jug of Screwdriver.. More orange then vodka. Nice.. though Jen perferred the former. I was warm, flushed and sleepy.. damn. I really drunk then. Jen and i bet. Well, some stupid bet. Lol. She woke me up though I was tired and felt so sleepy and lethargic. Then, the final flaming lambogini was the killer. I was fully awake by that. I dunno whats the content but the flame was cool; i was in cloud 9. Lol. I was surprised that i was able to walk straight, din banged into anyone. Able to sit in the car to give direction and say gdbye to aunties. I was staggering to my house when the sudden urge to puke came. I stand in front of the rubbish chute getting ready. Then, the stench of rubbish smell swallowed my urge to puke. So I walk slowly to my front door. Before i reached my 3rd step, i puked. I puked on the floor. My front door. It was a huge puddle. I felt good after puking. The vomitus was mostly my mozarella cheese.. urgh.. disgusting. I staggled home to get water. To splash away the puddle.. Not much use. Went to take servette instead. I dunno how i managed to pick up the crumps of half-digested mozarella cheese. haha.. Guess I can't be bothered much since i was in such a pathetic state. I managed to clear up the mess I made and headed back to home. I din bother to bath. I was already reaching cloud 10, so after washin face and brushin teeth. I stripped and head to bed till next morning. What a night. Phew. My first time..

Something to say?

Ha.. Finally a nice skin.. Something I wanted to do but keep on delaying.

So how? What do YOU think?

Common give me some comments.

Ops! Where's the tagbroad? I get rid of it.. Not much tag anyway.

Just comment at the Comment button okies? Thanks hor... :)

All Out Of Love

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish i could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I'm all out of love, i'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am i without you
I can't be too late to say i was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long, lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too?
Does the feeling seem oh, so right?
And what would you say if i called on you now
And said that i can't hold on?
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or i'll be gone, i'll be gone

Ooh, what are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of

Sobbing in an uncontrollable state.. Most may thought i am just being emotionally unstable again.. which is partly true.. But mostly.. I am hurted.. Really hurt deep down in my heart. No one can really understand that sort of hurt that pierce thru my heart from within.. Tears kept on flowing.. It soak up my tee and towel.. My pillow and my lil ones.. It's goanna be a tough ride tonight.. Past memories kept welling up.. It overwhelmed me. I feel so vulnerable like a lil girl lost her way.. her parents.. no one to guide you.. I wanna lay on bed.. thinking what went wrong and why things become so shitty.. But like many said, it's no point doing that. On one will come to comfort you or even care.. Or the one you want to cuddle with will not come to you.. Now, i just want to get him off my mind..

It's tough to being commited.. even tougher to leave the one you loved. I guess it's never easy. Nothing is easy in this world. It's a cruel world.. yet there is always things to look forward to.. Like gd friends and my family. Knowing that they care is a blessing. I felt Blessed. I felt moment of happiness spread within me. I know it's never the end of the world.. like war of the worlds..(even though i din catch the movie)

It's so hard for me to pick up the courage to love someone then let go so easily. Maybe that's why it's better to stay single and never get hurt? It's not the first, twice.. it's numerous. I wonder is this the last? The last one ended heartwreching. This one ended with disappointment without a reason. It's all one-sided all along? I dunno but it sure hurts... Cos my vision blurs as i typed. Being so emotional and sentimental.. stubborn and unreasonable makes me weak. I am weak.. weak to do anything.. I WANT to be strong.. I ACTED strong.. But i am NOT strong.. I tried but i failed badly. It's just a vicious cycle all over again. Why did I still continue? Why am i So blind to see? That eventually it end up the same? Maybe it's just me? Think Again... Did i get the signs all wrong? Was there suppose to be sth hidden in the smses? That i din manage to uncode?

The scar on my hand seems undoubtly a ominous sign.. A scar that remains after the hurt.. same as the emotion state i am in.. Well, Just have to bear with it.. It will be over soon.

I need a break..

Tired.

Bruised by dry ice.. Now there's a scar..
Damn.

Well, graduation next week..
everyone is busy trying to get the best smatest outfit to present themselve
me, i will settle for just normal office wear which i am wearing every single day.
Maybe some thing more?

Met Gina and Wenjie.. was a coincidence..
Glad to see them.. went shopping with them..
Bought a blazer, while they splurged their money.
Ha, can't wait to see the rest and their outfit.. LOL.
Wenjie: All the best hor... should know what i mean.. Wishing you happiness.

Guess me not goin for the game show le.. Dun think i can take 3 days leave..
Me shall not disappoint my dearie too.. I know she wants a outing badly.. hee

me go sleep..
exhausted.

i felt Neglected... again.. Maybe I am still emtionally unstable?

Damn. WTf

Oh... byebye my dear Jon.. Will see you 4 to 5 months time>? Missing you..

I need some air..

Should i be upset? Shouldn't I?
I dun understand why is it that he could just do just a thing.
maybe i am less important.. Maybe i wasn't even important at all.
Not even an sms.. dun say phone call.
All this while was it just illusion?
LEaving soon..
Not that sort of leaving but.. NS.
Yet you still never leave time for me.
Promise yet disappointment again>?
dun let me wait.. i dun want to..
If that's the case.. why say you will
accompany when you are free?
You are never free...
wanna watch movie.. but movie goanna end season le
Still havent get to watch.
Guess... life still have to go on.
Stay strong.. be stronger..
U can do it girl..
Just try harder..

Met up with the usual gang for dinner.. except we have new companion like sheng an and Adrian.. Winkz~ Oh.. i missed Jon.. Luckily we are having lunch together later in the afternoon.. It's so fun bitching ard with the guys.. Can u imagine..4 gays, 1 wanna be gay and a girl? ha.. I was the centre of attraction man.. We were wild.. Adrian was delicious.. Yummy..

Headed down to River Valley to have supper with Shawn, Gina, Jo and Marco... Had my first milo dinosaur.. Damn delicious.. Bitched and chatted like nobody business. Shawn drove.. So we took our time.. to enjoy each other's company.. Totally fun, fun and plans for upcuming events.. Damn shiok. can't wait... woho... Yippi!!

I am enjoying life... Loving it~

Just came back.. tired yet feeling damn good. It has been the best day for the whole week... Finally manage to see my dearie after a week or so.. We had dinner at NYDC.. chatted and gossiped like school girls dressed in oiffice clothes. Had a heart to heart conversation after such a long time is such a great feeling. She made me feel better deciding to go Kbox for a round of songs.. Although cough not recovered.. i still sang my heart out.. I am in such melancholy mood that all i choose are basically emo songs.. Best of all... i got to subside the urge to sing for such a long time.

Missing you.

well.. din sleep well.. guess i think too much.. my old old mate came back- backaches.. really sucks big time.. Wan to have a good massage.. A really good.. slow... heavenly one. Lol.. dun think too much..

Absence makes the heart grows fonder...

well.. believe that i have been really really emotional recently. think it's driving me crazy.. I guess i am just tired plus some personal issue.. financial problem. Many things on my head.. Noone to really share with.. everyone is bz with their own stuff.. Din want to bother anyone, so i just keep building the problems and sorrows in myself. I really wanna go to the park and relax like those days when schooling. I wanna look into the sky and stares at the sky whereby the stars shine and planes flew past. Gosh, i wan to relax.. i need a listening ear to accompany me.. doesn't need to talk just listen and sayang me..

Cannot believe that he is still not giving up after my reply.. I am really touched. wrote me another letter to express his love. What can i say.. who writes nowadays. He's really sweet... Should I give him a chance? Should I? YEs, i believe feeling can be nurtured but I still fend up myself and dun really dare to let anyone come close. I am afraid of getting hurt again. How i hope it's you instead of him... BEcos u have already gotten a place in my heart.

This song is something i have been humming lately.. Gosh.. i feel for the lyrics..

Artist: Mariah Carey
Title: We Belong Together

I didn't mean itWhen I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didnt know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

Guess I didn't know you
Guess I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everythingI never felt.T
he feeling that I'm feeling now
That I don't hear your voice
Or even touch or even kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here

Cause baby
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There aint nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep

I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of whatI'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby

When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

Baby
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
Cause we belong together
Who am i going to lean on
When times get rough
Who's going to talk to me
Til the sun comes up
Who's going to take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

HAve been chatting with quite a few Missy lately.. And listening to them attending lectures and stuff make me miss ward life. I miss wearing that idiotic uniform and clearing shit for patient. I miss passing report and serving medication and IV drips and stuff.Ohhh... I am missing them so so much. I just wanna go back school and study and no need to keep on worrying about saving money.

I really need to work out a job that is suitable for me. I cant stand being kept in a clinic forever. I am not that sort anyway. I really wan to live a life with no regrets and to really contribute to society.. Sounds chiem? Well, not really.. Just wanna enjoy what i do for a living and not just do for the sake of doing. No point working just for the money.. I really want satisfaction in what i do.. and sadly but truly..i don't feel that with my current job. Oh no.. i need help.. and i know who to look for.. ;p

Well, went to the orthodontist today for consultation for braces.. omg.. i can actually save a lot if i continue to work there and i dun need to extract any tooth..but of cos he did said that it may not be as straight as those that remove tooth. But i am glad to know that i can have straight teeth even without any extraction. I just can't wait to do it.. I was so tempted to do it immd.. and sign up for apptment .. but i know i still hav to consider.

Ohh. there are so much to do.. yet so little money and time.. Gosh.. what can i do..??

It is just so NOt me to stay at home on a sunday. During the YCF days.. I will be out early the day for training and back during afternoon to get ready for work. NOw, I am slacking at home. Wondering why is my life so empty. Boy, I missed YCF. I can't believe time passes so fast. Yesterday, i went down to watched the HQ2 YCF performance at toa payoh. It was really warm there. Spirits are high.. but not high enough.. maybe becos it's not the final day? Well, the Sd was great.. But not that impactful. What can i say.. Ours still the BEST!

I am so bored.. I need to start finding something to do on my weekends. If not, i will be really getting lethargic.. I can't seems to slack too much. Life's too wasted slacking at home. Have to look out for courses. Was thinking of putting on braces.. but thinking abt the money.. my heart pain sia. Okie la.. just waiting for my jap course to start..

Finally.. I have make things clear.. then why am i feeling so... erm.. unease. I dunno whats wrong with me...

Well.. suppose to rest early.. but wtf.. i can't set myself to lala land zone.. so i am still online this instant. I guess i have nothig better to do la.. thats why. Damn. I think it's bordom driving me crazy.. ha.. Well, told many of my kakis abt the unsuccessful interview. Tld my IIc abt it.. ( SHE 's a stewardess herself) She encourage me to chant more, and maybe will realize where my mission lies. She did also said that maybe my mission in life is not in SIA? Maybe some where else?? MAybe it's true? This i will have to find out by chanting even more. Somehow THis SIA interview thingy really struck me to further faith in my practice. I realise now that only thru sincere and hard felt prayers will prayers come true.. Of cos if really i am not fated to be SQ girl then be it lor.. what can i do?

I guess the problem why i keep mentioning abt this is that.. it's just so pity that just ONe more round and i will be a SQ girl but just have to take time to face it lor. it's not easy.. but i will try.. Somehow. Lol.

Well, maybe the fact that my hope wasn't raise till i tried on the kabaya.. I mean.. The feeling was indescribable. I guess it just fitted so nicely and somehow, i feel hey maybe this is something that i really REALLY wanna do. And moments later.. My hope was dashed! Hmm.. Maybe like many had advice i will try the next time round?

Well.. still cough and flu.. don't feel like working at all.. Just feeling so shitty.. I am sure u all know how troublesome and irritating stuffy nose and coughing it can be. Well, i guess just have to look forward to my next leave!! on my graduation day!!! Hee.... can't wait!

What can i say? Bad things just keep on happening to me.. MAybe it's just the fact that I am in a bad bad state. Firstly, I lost $47 bucks in the petty cash drawer in the clinic. I have to replace it.. Then, i got this really demanding customer which refused to pay for the CT scan and said that i gave her the wrong info.

I am having fever, cough and flu at at the same time.. Gosh!! It's been hell for me..

I took leave today just for that very second round of interview. Those who knew must be so excited for me.. However, the bad news is that i didn't make it. Kinda sad. Actually disappointed. What the heck. It's nerve wrecking to go thru such terrifying experience. Out of 400, 60 got thru the 1st interview. For the second round.. out of 60, 26 got thru. It's like what?? 1/5 of peeps got thru.. However, there is another elimination round.. which i have no idea how many can make it. Well. it was a good experience tho. Who knows if i will try another round.. ha..

Still havin cough and sounding like some elephant. Damn. scrutinizing.

I would say those who made it are really pretty. They are tall, flawless face, curvy figure. U name it, they have it. I guess i may not be so lucky to be selected just thru one time interview. Other airline?? Perhaps.. why not?

Well.well.. it's over.. finally over with a bang! Will miss the times where we had night trainings and all those wonderful friends i made during YCF. Yesterday was the big day, my parents came and so did my friends.. All of them enjoyed the show.. especially the jap dance.. YEah!! It was a success!! It was marvelous and awsome! Everyone was in high spirit and the crowd was great.. It was a victorious success, i would say. Again.. i received the best attendance award.. lolx.. ha.. so u see 'better late than never'. My trainers bought us gifts.. so did Jas. . So sweet of them. :)

Went to watch midnight show with Dearie and Shawn. Movie was titled: 'Be with You'.. Sad and touching at the same time.. Both Dearie and ME was sobbing and wiping our tears.. I was sobbing like mad.. near the ending.. I think i soaked up 4 pieces of tissue.. Lolx. What abt Shawny Boy.. He was sleeping.. almost thru out the whole movie.. Poor thing.. Must be really tired after he booked out. but So sweet of him to treat us.. whahaha...

Today.. it was our NYPSD OG mtg.. I was the skit IC.. together with BEron. We enjoyed ourselve very much.. i believe the cast also enjoyed themselve too.. So much laughter i would say.. Also the Game that Jing Wen prepared.. Our grp kept losing.. So lousy!! haha.. But we were so so happening.. All in high spirit!! Our former SD CIC Qing qing also came down to join us.. We chatted for awhile.. Knowig that she is one of the FD IC.. I told her e news that i may be joining her soon.. She was excited with my appointment. Even though i haven confirm with my IIC.. But i believe i will take up the challenge.. Struggle thru all obstacles and be victor in life!

Will post up pictures real soon!! Wait for the YCF pics!!!