Another break up. what's happening? i am really helpless...
read an interesting article by David Smiedt... LEt me know if u do agree with it..
When my mate Alex got a new Blackberry from work, he was thrilled when the first mobile email he recieved came from his gf emma wishing him a lovely day and much fun with his new toy. By the end of the third week he'd received an average of two such messages- in addition to the fact that they chatted on the phone daily, sent the odd SMS and actually spend time with each other most evenings.
'It was driving me crazy,' he says, 'and we came close to breaking up. There's no easdy way to phrase, 'Honey I love you, but could you just leave me alone for awhile.' Second only to the frequency, what gotto me big time was that the reasons for her calls were non-existent: Just to say hello, what are you having for lunch and so on.'
At the heart of Alex's dilemma is not only the way men and women approach technology, but the very way they prefer to communicate. Here's the problem: women tend to believe that as ong as they are talking ( with their friends, colleagues, bf), everything is fine and the bonds with each are being subtly reinforced through every interaction. Men, on the other hairy hand, subscirbe to the simple philosophy that you only have to talk when something's the matter and there's a problem to be solved. Ohter than that, there is literally an unspoken agreement, that life is dandy and it's understood that he loves you and you love him.
These diametrically opposed viewpoints can throw your romance offline when they manifest themselvesthrough technology. essentially, no guy has bought a PDA thinking, 'Now i can email my sweetheart while i'm waiting at the trian station.' We view these innovations as mere tools for accessing, assimilating and information. emtion-free where possible, which is why we son;t tend to go for these: :-) or these:!!! That's not say the average bloke is Neanderthal, it's just that we prefer to express them to our loved ones face to face and don't feel a need to shore up the relationship with several daily exchanges.
Now don't get me wrong- this isn't intended as a criticism of the female tackbut that's just the way we're programmed. So here's the key to your system upgrade: Firstly,accept the fact that he will get antsy if you contact him so many times during the day that there's nothing to talk about when you meet that night.
Secondly, don't waste your time asking if it bothers him that you contact him a few times a day: He'ii say no for fear of hurting your feelings. Instead, simply taper off the contact until you're working on no more than a single call per medium- email, SMS, cell phone- per day. Better still, hang such communication around a piece of information, like a question you need answered or clarifying the details of where you're meeting up later. That way, you can keep it brief yet sneak in an "l love you" and "me too" at the end.
As this new rhythm proceeds, a curious thing may happen. Now that he speaks with you less often, it might occur to him that he quite enjoyed the interactions he once branded distracting and meaningless. He may even grow to miss them and end up calling you "just to say hi".
